Dearest B. Brazier:
You promised faster recovery. You promised a revitalized, refreshed feeling. You advertise a diet that will, and yes, I quote, “make you look great, feel great, and increase your energy.” You talk about increased productivity, enhanced mood, and all sorts of beautiful, glorious things. Well, I hate to tell you, but little me here – 9 days in – is NOT feeling this.
I am exhausted. Sore as heck from a squat workout I did on Monday. Look, Mr Brazier, I understand that squats are tough, and increasing the weight will make me sore. I get that. Been doing this for a while. But a 5 (FIVE) pound increase on my squats should NOT have me limping around like this two days later. This is unheard of. My brain feels fuzzy. My body aches, joints creak, and I can’t seem to get enough sleep no matter what time I clap off the lights. My hands are breaking out again, despite an even cleaner diet, and my gut hasn’t a clue whats going on.
Now, I know it has only been nine days. You warn us of a “detox” period, with all these symptoms. I’m just letting you know, so far, I’m raising my left eyebrow at you and your devilish scams to consume gardens and gardens of green leafy vegetables. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were a lettuce lobbiest. So. I am putting you on warning and giving you until the end of the month. I will hold true to your vegan guidelines, scrape the cheese off my sandwich (that I dutifully asked for none on) though it pains me to do so. I will neglect my beloved coffee in favor of some high maintenance uncaffeinated, un-milked, un-sweetened, organic, whole leaf herbal tea. I will put my food processor through the tireless act of making your admittedly delicious burgers and smoothies. All for the sake of giving your big dreams a try.
And Brandon, if I may call you so, I do wish you to be right. I want to prove to my nay-saying friends that being a strong, healthy, happy athlete and a vegan are not mutually exclusive.
Yours in desperate awaitings of health, strength and happiness,