In yoga we say that meditation is like locking yourself in a closet with a lunatic.
Well, what happens when you get inside that closet and you don’t recognize the lunatic? What if it’s someone you’ve been avoiding for the last 10 or 15 years? What if its a collection of everything you’ve said, done, or experienced that you never want to think about again? What if it’s a perfect clone of yourself that you’re just too afraid to meet?
What do you do? Do you sit down with your lunatic and get to know them a little better? Maybe take them for coffee or a drink and have a chat? Do you bolt out of the closet and lock them in with more locks than ever before? Do you ignore them entirely, and carry on your business of picking out shoes and maybe that long-forgotten polka-dot skirt from the closet?
I’m sure there’s no right answer, but it’s something to think about.
We all have those demons, secrets, and long-forgotten glitches in ourselves we’d like to just forget about and cover up. But where do they go? If we leave them there, do they lie dormant, waiting for a chance to sneak out? Do they grow bigger and more difficult to control? But if we sit down with them for that chat, we face the risk of actually having to confront them – to accept them as really being there. You know, that first step in any recovery program – admitting you have a problem.
Like I said, I’m sure there’s no right answer.
I think the best we can do is give it a try. At least crack open that closet door from time to time and see what’s inside. Heck, for all we know, it might be something totally awesome! But just in case it’s not, why not try getting to know the demon a little better? Afterall, it might not be that bad – it might just be a little caffeine deprived.
My challenge for this next little while is to practice taking that demon out of the closet. Maybe taking her for a coffee, or a walk, or just sitting with her in the safety of that closet and sorting some stuff out. The way I see it – worst case says, it’s absolutely awful. But truth is, then at least I’ll know what I’m dealing with and I can hopefully take the necessary steps to start piecing things back together.