I will never ask Google

There’s something I don’t ever want to look up. I don’t ever want to learn the best way to die in order to preserve organs the most. Knowing that would bring the next step far too close for comfort.

See, I’m not suicidal, I don’t think. But I have thought about how nice it would be to just disappear and leave behind my physical bits and pieces for others to get great use of.

It seems such a waste to be blessed with working parts only to spend a significant portion of my days quite welcoming of the notion of ceasing to exist.

I almost feel as though if I were a single cell, I would have long ago triggered the process of apoptosis. Recognizing that the environment I’m in isn’t one I am benefiting from nor adding benefit to. But such is not the case, so I’m plodding along.

One day at a time.

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One Response to I will never ask Google

  1. Sigh. Have you talked to your doctor about your medication? Maybe try another? Perhaps some time with a psychologist may help? I spent 2 years, an hour a week talking to one, and learning ways to manage my anxiety and depression. I am now a new woman.
    Xo

    Like

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