Was there no quality control?!

Umbilical hernia (everyone has a bellybutton, mine just needed to be special)
Blocked tear duct (keeping all the feelings in since day 1)
Deviated septum (keeping asthma company – it’s way more fun if you struggle to breathe in AND out)
Asthma (won the genetic lottery)
Allergies: dairy, wheat, egg, beans, spinach, oysters, almonds, feathers, bees, kiwi, pineapple (because a burning tongue, itchy teeth, projectile vomiting among other reactions keep life interesting) 
Eczema (can’t have asthma and allergies without eczema – it’s the law)
Hives (not allergy related – don’t be silly – that would be way too easy)
Migraines (lucky me! winning two lotteries. And who doesn’t want nauseating vision loss followed by unbearable sensory overload?)
Cluster headaches (just here to keep the migraines from getting lonely)Scoliosis (straight spines are so last century, besides, chronic referred pain keeps things interesting)
Depression (well, we can’t leave the mind out of all this, now can we?)
Anxiety (just here to provoke depression – we’re best frenemies)
Fainting/convulsions (just a little spontaneous time-out)
Low blood pressure (have all of this going on, and supply everything with enough blood? Ha!)

But hey, I probably just need to drink more water.

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