Thank you for the lots of love and concern re my last post, but I think I need to clarify a bit. With regards to coming off my meds the last time – I was completely under my doctor’s supervision, and she was just unfortunately a bit too confident in my ability to adjust. I went from a supra-max dose of two medications down to zilch in a little under three weeks. More on this at a later date.
As for right now, I have made the decision to stay on my medication for a few reasons.
- I have finally reached a level of generally consistent manageable steadiness. After nearly a year and a half of bouncing all over the place, I’m mostly ok. And this is a good thing.
- You don’t stop taking blood thinners just because you stopped having heart attacks. You stopped having heart attacks because the blood thinners are working.
- Continuing that analogy – you don’t give up on taking care of yourself just because the doc prescribed blood thinners for your heart disease. This is no different. And actually – from now on I will be referring to anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds as thought thinners. It just sounds way better. Because they don’t cancel out or anti- depression or anxiety. They just help make it manageable. They thin the thoughts out a little so they don’t weigh so heavily, and so they don’t get stuck as easily. So – just like on blood thinners, you still have to eat apples and take the stairs at work, on thought thinners you have to practice mindfulness and, well, take the stairs at work. (This is not to say that once on thought thinners, you can never come off. It’s just to say that they’re not a crutch, a scapegoat, or a one-stop fix-all solution.)
- Because the thought of bottoming out again is terrifying. And I think that means I’m probably not ready.
On unrelated notes:
- Tibby (the kitten) is slowly losing her resolve and letting me smother her with kisses.
- I think I may have accidentally acquired some incidental super-blonde highlights post hair relaxing.
- The hardest part of my runs is the first 5 minutes. When I’m still at home and have to force myself to go. Inertia is my nemesis.
- There is no sexy way to take off socks. Seriously – I dare you to try and find one.
- Running out of coffee is an emergency that happens far too frequently in this house for my liking. I realize I am solely to blame.