Just be happy.

Sure. And you can just be taller.

After spending no less than four hours trying to get my antidepressant prescription refilled, I have come to a rather obvious conclusion. The problem was not that my psychiatrist did not think to refer me to another one, knowing full well I was unable to return to the clinic at school. It was not that my GP did not give me enough refills. It wasn’t even that the system here in Canada requires me to have a referral from a previous doctor in order to see a new doctor, despite being unable to see said previous doctor. It was also not the fault of the walk-in clinic which is overused because of these other challenges with our system. The problem wasn’t even that the pharmacy assistant made the decision to only fill half of my prescription when I took it in, without thinking to ask when I dropped it off.

No, while all of the above made for a rather tiresome and unproductive morning, these aren’t my problem. My problem is depression itself. And if I’m honest, the medication I spent so much time tracking down is only about halfway helpful. So as I look to embark on a 4-month hiatus from life as I know it, I am also embarking on a full-on shakedown with depression.

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Remnants of my pharmaceutical shakedown to find something that works.

What will this look like?

I will chant and mediate. Run, lift, yoga, and clean up my eating. I will color, write, read, and paint. I will take a break from social media. I will clean up my sleep schedule. I will establish a morning routine, a night time ritual, and perfect my happy dance. I will do whatever other trick, tip, or hack I can find (within reason) that may help with depression. And I will catalog my experiences here.

So help me if one more person tells me that “I just need to feel better.” This is not about out-willing depression or proving that medication isn’t the answer. This is not to belittle depression, anxiety, or anything else. This is to try, test, and see what helps and what doesn’t for me and to share that with you. I am open to suggestions, comments, and thoughts. Yes, I will continue with my medication until / unless something changes. This is about finding balance.

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I don’t make the rules.

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Oh, hi!

What do we do when we promise to do something daily and then go up a mountain on horseback for 5 days, only to come back down and totally drop the ball on writing again because, well, there’s just so much to write about, where should I start? We totally continue to drop the ball (how many balls are there?!) and don’t write anything for another 2-3 weeks, because, well, now there’s just so much more to write about, plus there might be that need for a “sorry I haven’t written” post that just sucks – because, really, does anyone care?

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So what do we do? We (uh, that would be just me) just pick up and keep going. Because that’s what mindful people do. And I’m mindful. Sometimes. When I remember.

So here we are. Nestled back into my reading nest at home (thank you Urban Barn) in the middle of a Thursday morning, watching my (not-so) kitten snuggle up to her big brother in his laundry basket.

I feel like good blogs have a theme. A topic of some kind. And – well – in case you haven’t noticed – I have the attention span of a cracked out goldfish in a room full of shiny things. So – nailing down some kind of ‘theme’ hasn’t really happened. Nor am I sure that it will. But some things I want to address in the near future:

  • Morning routines
  • Just feel better
  • Crayons to Ink – the fuzzy logic behind the name
  • The back rows of 747s (sometimes also the bulkhead and occasionally first class)
  • Superhero parents (or lackthereof)
  • The idiocy of immigration policies

Stay tuned.

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Goals

Monday seems like a good eaday to review my goals and update progress. At least this Monday does. So here we go:

1. Daily blogging – check

2. Daily yoga – not unless squirming around counts 

3. Running – check. Once. Last Monday. Erp.

4. Push/Pull-ups: no push, some pull in the pool off the diving board. 

5. Headspace (meditation) – check. 

Disclaimer – I’ve been posting from my phone, so I’m pretty much leaving formatting and editing in the hands of WordPress.  

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Worth at least 2,000 words

 

Soaking in whatever sun I can with great company.

  

There are worse ways to start the day than a leisurly walk to the bakery.

 

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Memory lane

Six years ago today, as Facebook reminded us, we were at Tapiz (a beautiful vineyard in Mendoza owned by the family of a boy I went to school with) for the first time. It was an incredible trip filled with great adventures, stories, and laughs. In a handful of days, we’ll be returning after another adventure up the Andes.

(FYI: they have incredible wine, so if you ever get a chance to pick some up, don’t hesitate!)

I’m sleeping in my old room – the one I left behind 16 or so years ago, and though it’s changed, so much still feels the same.

We watched a few hours of home videos – a cute, funny, weird reminder of so many different milestones. Oh – and so many disastrous hair cuts. The ’80s weren’t kind on anyone. 

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Sunshine and summertime!

There’s something to be said for spending time in the sun, swimming in an outdoor pool, and going for a long walk with a single layer of clothing on.

There’s also something to be said for unplugging, checking out, and taking a breather from ‘real life.’ 

What these somethings are, I’m not quite sure yet. But I’m so grateful for these reminders and this opportunity to be back here, where home was, after so many years. 

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Short form

A quick update before I crash for the night.

In Argentina visiting my mom and little sister. 

Had a great flight, and awesome first day and a half. 

Had forgotten how great the sun feels!

Haven’t run or jumped yet, but I did get a swim in!

Made plans for our horse ride next week – am so excited!

That’s all for now, folks. 

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